Episode 4: ‘A fun and enriching experience?’

OK, you all know a little about me (It is his story after all). Thought it was about time you learned a little about my weird and wonderful housemates. Flip, you’re up. 

Um, my name is Phillip- 

Flip, you’ve got 25 words or less to describe yourself. Let’s start with things they don’t already know. 

Who are ‘they’ anyway? 

Shh! Go. 

I’m originally from Romford, Essex. 

Good. 

I’m a Postman by day- 

Bellend by night. 

Leave him alone, Lee! Carry on Flip, you’re doing well. 

Uh, I have a degree in Computing. 

Snore. 

Christ, Lee- 

Christ is my middle name. You know this, Ruby. (He’s kidding. His middle name is Alan.) 

My father is a human, mother is a Witch. 

Bzz! That’s your limit. Ruby, your turn. Go. 

Born in Manchester. Parents both dead. Tooth Faery since I was 17. Living with these two for three years. Favourite colour: red.  Can I go now? 

By my count you still have two words left. 

I’ve got two words for you, Lee. Here’s a clue: the second one's ‘off’. 

You can stop sniggering for a start Postman Prat! 

I thought you said sharing was going to be “a fun and enriching experience”? 

Yeah, what was the point in all this? 

Firstly, your impression of me is crap. (I laughed.) Second, with our hectic, young-person lifestyles it feels like we never get time out to smell the roses. 

All you have is time out! 

Are you forgetting my current situation? I’m being watched, remember?

Um, what does being “watched” actually mean. 

No more skiving. Ha! Gutted! 

O-contraire my dear wing-less Fairy. It only means I will have to manage my workload more creatively.

Oh yeah? Do tell oh Grim Skiver.

I…I…Ahh. Give me a week and I’ll have cracked it. I’m great at reading people; one of the perks of the job.

(There are many “perks” to being a Reaper. However, after Lee lost his first Reaping Blade, two days in, he was subsequently granted the same level of influence as your average work experience placement. He still doesn’t know.)