*yawwwwn*
Out late again?
Mate, you look terrible.
Not exactly a stretch.
You two really do say the sweetest things. And NO, for your
information I-
All you’ve done, since your “parole” ended, is go out.
(It has been a while.)
For your-
..and go to the cinema.
Fucksake! When you’re quite done. No! I wasn’t out. It’s her
fault.
What?
“Her”.
The neighbour?
Flip, didn’t you and her once..?
..go out? Yes, but that was ages ago-
Before she binned you for being “boring”.
Thanks mate..
Anyway! What about her?
She binned another one.
Oh…fuck…no.
Can we stop saying “binned”, please?
Yes.
(And no.)
She’s been partying for the last week.
Only you’ve not been home to hear it.
Does anyone know why she bin- split up with this one?
So, for the last night of my week off, I decided to do the
sensible, grown-up thing-
*snigger*
..and have a good night’s kip.
…Oh my god. You can still hear it now!
What is that?
Sounds like Deep House to me.
No, I mean…she must have a dozen people crammed into that
tiny-arsed flat!
And there you see my dilemma, dear Ruby:
Bit o Music: fine.
Chatter: no probs.
It’s the drunken fucking singing that really gets on my
tits; twisted bastards were singing The Beautiful South at 6:00AM! And with my
room being the closest, they might as well have sold me tickets…or at least
invited me.
Would you have gone?
Wouldn’t have gotten any sleep either way. At least there I
might have copped a few free samples, maybe a little cheeky under-the-shirt
action.
You’re disgusting.
*singing* Jealousyyy!
Besides, I don’t think she’s like that.
Who, “her”?
Ha! Not “like that”? You should have heard her with the last
bloke!
Shut up, Lee..
..if I ever meet the guy, I need to shake his hand. The man
was a genius by all accounts. She sounded like cats fighting.
Uh, mate..
Cats with Tourettes! I mean, I know I fucking swear, but
that girl can really……what?
Enough.
Sorry Flip. I’m just delirious through lack of sleep.
So she’s only like this when she’s single?
Don’t get any ideas, Ellen Degenres. She’s all about the
kilbasa.
Thanks for that..
Any time.
It’s ten in the morning. How are they still up?
*sniffing noises*
(Ahh, the Colombian Flu.)
And you went out with this girl, Flip?
She seemed nice.
Pretty. Funny. Closet sniff-head. Goes like a-
Ahem!
I guess you never really know a person, do you?
More importantly, how do we get this to stop? Other than
finding “her” another dick to-
Jeezus Lee!
You could always go round and ask her.
I was thinking more about feeding a sack of bluebottles in
through her letter box.
Do you know anywhere that sells them by the sack-full?
..or complain to the building manager.
Where’s the fun in that? Now, Ruby, you’re pretty well
connected.
*door opens and closes*
..where can I find a gimp suit, a fedora, a sack full of
maggots and a CD of the magic roundabout theme?
(Answers on a postcard.)
Normally I would tell you to get stuffed. But we owe this
bitch one, for Flip, so I’m in. Just let me get my address book…
*door opens and closes*
Where did you vanish off
to? You didn’t tell the building manager, did you?
Hey, the noise’s stopped; maybe they’ve decided to pack it
in.
Kind of..
You didn’t ask “her” our
again?
Nope.
Did you punch her in her stupid pretty nose?
Erm, nope.
Lob a crate of locusts in
and then jam the door?
God, no.
(This could go on for a
while. For the sake of the spectator I have trimmed the next five minutes of
suggestions.)
Ok, go on..
It better not be something crap, Flip, after all that.
I just knocked on,
spoke to one of “her” friends, and told them I’d run into the police
downstairs, and that they’d drug tested me as part of a brand new, mandatory
crack-down on all twenty-somethings in the area.
Thought it was worth a
try.
You sir…are a genius.
Very, very well played. Flip 1: Sniff-heads 0.
Thanks guys. Hehe, now
who’s the boring one.
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