Episode 5: 'A legitimate transaction.'

Man this is sooo gay. No offence. 

None taken. 

Tell me, why did I agree to this again? 

For the ninth time, Lee, we flipped a coin and you lost. Ergo Flip got to choose the game. 

You can stop grinning for starters, Dungeon Boy. 

It’s either this or brave the rain? Pub? 

Hey-

No thanks. It’s pissing and, if possible, shitting it down out there! Even the nearly deceased appear to be putting plans on hold.

   
See-

Yeah but I bet they’re not as sad as we three right now, not by a long shot.

You just need to get into it. It’s fun. Bit of escapism.

OK. And what do I need to roll to escape this nightmare?

You could always check your player sheet. It’ll be right there under the attribute of ‘being a whining little bitch’.

Da-dum-tish!

You can talk, Ms Evil Fairy! I thought this game was about escapism. At least Flip chose a super-mega-barbarian.

Um, Berzerker- 

Whatever! Ok let’s get on with it. But bare in mind, as soon as the heavens decide to shake and zip up, I’m gone.

Small mercies.

OK...We’re in a tavern-

Argh! Stick the knife in why don’t you.

Where would you like it stuck?

Ahem! We’re in a tavern. The bar is quiet, save for a few solitary individuals occupying the outer booths. The bar wench greets you with a cheery wave.

Is she fit?

What does that have to do with it?

Just trying to paint a mental picture.

Oh, now you feel like playing…

I have a soft spot for the humble bar maid. Now, shh! We’re on a mission.

Flip, what do I need to roll to chat the wench up?

Seriously?

Shh! Escapism!

Fine. Roll two D10s.

Ok, here goes…………erm, Flip?

Is that even possible?

What did you- HA! Snake eyes, bitch! Well, what do you know, art imitates life after all!

Flip, stop laughing. And you can shut up, Roobs. When was the last time you pulled?

Not since your sister was last in town.

(They don’t talk about that.)

Not cool.

Flip, you’re Game Master. Can I get a re-do?

Umm-

No!

It’s only a game. Come on!

What purpose does ‘shagging the bar maid’ serve anyway?

..she might know something?

Exactly!

Flip! Don’t help him. Christ! It’s like Friday night re-visited.

I don’t know what you mean.

Poking the bar staff is not considered a legitimate transaction. I don’t care what country you’re in.

That’s bollocks for a start. She was totally into me!

We’re not playing any more, are we?

Doesn’t look like it. Sorry mate.

Besides, her t-shirt clearly said "Just the tip".

(Ironically, Lee’s sister owns the same shirt.)